Guys, I cannot believe you already missed the F1 Technical Awards. We held the ceremony months ago. January or something. I took some pictures.
Tomba on his way to the awards, with his mandatory sword, pizza and helmet.
Of course,
not everybody was invited. Who said a forum is a democracy? It's more like a family: a benevolent tyranny. That's why, apparently, you N12ck, along with Tony Blair, did not get any invitation. I know you won't take it personally. We usually give the dirty work to Tomba, but this time it was me the one in charge of speaking with Tony and I can quote him. He said
"... no hard feelings, Ciro, I'm getting used to it: I'm also a McLaren fan and you know... last two years have been hell. If we could overcome losing Alonso for that guy from Bermuda or Grenada AND Button... we can take this hit. This is
nothing in comparison".
The categories mentioned, as Tomba tried to say, are not even considered in F1Technical ("longest posts", duh, this category ceased to be awarded since May 10, 2005).
We have our own categories, very different from the ones used in other forums.
You have to understand that people that chooses to follow F1 are basically nutcases. Sad nutcases. Sad masochistic nutcases, deranged and possibly dangerous, to be precise. Moreover, when a regular person attempts (they will fail anyway) to understand how a car of those works they become mad, if they weren't already.
This is a thread posted in the non-muggle part of the forum, so we can say openly the truth:
these cars, as you all know, work by magic.
That's why it is so hard to make people believe that there are rational explanations for the pieces and bits wizards have to put on cars.
For example, it is a miracle that nobody in the flexi-wing thread has noticed that Snapes was on the stands in EVERY race this year. I think it's time to send someone else to do the flexi-magic in his place or someone will discover the trick. The muggles at FIA hasn't said a word, of course, and the Ministry of Races hasn't been able to oppose Harry on this.
This explains why some long posts, specially by me. So, no long post award, N12ck. Try to understand. It's a necessity, so we don't blow our cover. After all, my motto is: if you cannot convince them,
confuse them. But I digress with these small points of forum policy... The point is that we have special, non-muggle, award categories.
As Tomba said True F1Technical Categories (notice the uppercase) are linked to quality, not quantity. Let me tell you that's why there are so many categories without a winner: you talk too much.
That's why I can give you a transcript of the ceremony, in my concise style.
It started with the usual blah, blah, blah from Tomba, of course. He presented the forum, and when heckled from the gallery, excused himself while mumbling that he does most of the programming in the bus, on his way to the work and apologized for some slow parts of the code that in his words
"I did while on the loo, but guys, you have to understand I live very close to work. Only when the bus gets a flat tyre I'm able to do real work".
He then proceeded to explain the mission and vision of the forum (
"to promote F1 through technical understanding of the engineering effort behind races while making a few bucks") which evoked a merry laughter from the public and a strong applause from the representatives of the hosting site.
After, as usual, Tomba was booed off from the stage and Principessa received a huge ovation, Giblet and mx_tifosi jumped in and proceeded to open the envelope for the coveted prize of
"The Most Brilliant Example of Moderated Moderation". The envelope was... empty, of course (you may remember I retired from Mod ages ago).
I think that to shorten the presentation Giblet quickly proceeded to give to mx_tifosi two awards, simultaneously: "Most Impartial Mod" and "Best Ferrari Fan". After he left the stage, equilibrating precariously his trophies, Giblet then continued presenting the ceremony.
When receiving the Most Clear Post Award, Jersey Tom speech was:
"Hrumph. At least is not a Michelin. I cannot tell you how happy I am. Literally. I have a confidentiality clause on that, too".
The
"Miss Congeniality Award" went to... you guessed: him. Again. I don't even need to mention his nick, his popularity knows no borders. When presented with the trophy he dazzled us with a brief half an hour speech that started like this, in his first part, the appropriately named "Introduction to the Phenomenology of Formula One: Initial Considerations on the Irrevocableness of Truth with Uppercase T":
"This proves the superiority of Bavarian technology AND, over all, philosophy. If you allow me to quote Feuerbach, another great bavarian thinker, is best to be 'a quiet philosopher, not a loud and still less a brawling one'”...".
He left the stage while the girls in the audience cried in delight "We love you, Blue, we want a son from you!". Let this be a lesson for those who don't believe in the power of friendship.
I'll tiptoe quickly over the shame I felt when the comical relief
"Most Edited Post Award" category was awarded to your humble servant, which I received for a post on "What's the size of tyres of an F1 car" started by our dear member, newbierulez.
I don't know how I managed to edit the post 114 times in 78 minutes while posting the history of tyres since Egypt to the Atomic Age with graphs and pop out figures... very funny thread, I still laugh when I remember the jokes on the nano magnesium thing.
It was sad we couldn't agree on the size of the tyres, so newbierulez ended complaining about his unanswered question. The brat.
Anyway most people laughed when I received the cup, made of patchs and with a large Wikipedia sign imprinted on it. I also gave a short speech, but I was interrupted after less than an hour.
Then, we had the Big One, the one we were waiting, the one we toil and think and work through the year for: the
"Most Incomprehensible and Incoherent Post".
I could feel the gazes of a hundred eyes fixed on me, but I couldn't look back. I was transfixed by the image, in slow motion, of Giblet ripping the edge of the envelope.
I could hear the paper tearing, my hands were sweating, I could barely make the words he was saying, there was a potent, unanimous roaring of the crowd and... DaveW was giving his ear aid full volume and saying
"For what thread? For what thread?".
Then I could hear ESPImperium answering him:
"For the "F1 Technical awards" thread! I knew it! I have the statistics here in this small Excel sheet! Look! It's only 6 Gigas!". I felt the blush in my face. Could it be? However, who was the poster? I couldn't hear another word with all that noise. And then...
I'll continue tomorrow, if I don't run out of rum. Darn, I already did. And I still haven't posted the Florian González thing... can anyone give me a hand and finish this brief resumé? I mean, one of the invited, of course.
No, not you N12ck... and this way, perhaps, next time you'll think twice before giving the conspiracy guys another motive to dig deeper into the
real motive of this forum. Manchild suspects but has no proofs... yet. We may have to take action, btw.
Oh, and N12ck, we have been sending stars for post qualification for ages. You have to send them telepathically. Duh.
I cannot believe you were not informed of that. What house are you in? McSlarentheryn?
