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The English like to say they "discovered" Australia, which is patently ridiculous as other people were already living there when Captain Cook made this claim. He had been asked by the King of England to sail off and find suitable holiday locations for a travel firm which would later be known as Thomas Cook, who invented the Travellers Check, a suit made of Irish Tweed. Cook's parents had always wanted him to join the Navy, which is why they christened him Captain.

One of the first parts of Australia that he discovered was Manly, a beach suburb, across the harbour from Sydney. Allegedly, the place is called Manly because, when the male natives came out to meet his ship, selling the sailors suntan oil and surfboards, Cook is reported to have commented that the locals were very manly looking. Lucky for today's residents therefore that it was not the female natives who came out to meet him, or today the place might be known as "Cor Look At The Size Of Those," or "Not Many Of Them To The Pound," or "I Don't Like Yours Much."

When Cook arrived, he found that someone else had got there before him and set himself up as Governor. He was a very posh person called The Right Honourable Sydney Harbour-Bridge. He had a lovely wife called Adelaide.

The National Anthem of Australia is called "Advance Australia Fair," a strange choice given that this country really did have a policy of trying to breed out its darker skinned people. At the weekends, most Australians go and lie on the beach to try and make their skin go dark again and those who are into body piercing, leather and whips go to Bondi Beach.

One of the most famous sportsmen in the world was the Australian cricketer, Don Bradman. He was called Don because he was the head of the Australian mafia, which is why he always scored so many runs, as no umpire was brave enough to give him out. He was also the first man to play cricket by using a bat and ball, rather than sitting up a tree rubbing his legs together.

Lots of famous people from all over the world have come to live in Australia to enjoy the beauty of its scenery. American chat show host, Oprah Winfrey is among them. She has built a huge house overlooking the world's most famous harbour and it is known simply as theSydney Winfrey House.

There are lots of dangerous animals in Australia, such as Funnel Web Spiders and people who play Aussie Rules Football. Even the food can be dangerous and only experienced gourmets should attempt to bite the well known Crocodile Dundee cake.

Australia has a long and proud tradition in motor sport. At first, racing was seen as a way to escape. Even if your family had come here on a convict ship, you would be allowed back to England if you said you had a drive in the Formula Ford Festival at Brands Hatch in November. Not so well known is the fact that an Australian invented the modern crash helmet which is compulsory today. Famous Aussie outlaw, Ned Kelly, recently portrayed on film by Heath Ledger, created the world's first "full-face" helmet, when he wore a metal cover over his head prior to getting into yet another fight with the law. Kelly actually said "I feel full in the face," which is Aussie slang for "I feel sick," but from then on, that was the name given to this type of helmet.

Kelly was eventually caught by police, tried and hanged in Melbourne Gaol. Historians now reckon it was all a big mistake and the judge, a keen supporter of Aussie Rules Football wanted him to play in the Cup Final, always held at the MCG, "Melbourne Cricket Ground." He ordered Kelly to be sent to the Melbourne Goal, but his secretary made a simple typing error.

Australians always used to talk about going off into the Bush. But now they have real plumbing and have toilets like everyone else. However, at first they were embarrassed about the little huts behind their houses and would prefer to say they were going to the Outback (those without back gardens had something called an Infront.) Poorer families would often have to share one toilet. In this case, you might be desperate and have to pace up and down while waiting your turn. This was known as "Going Walkabout."